Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

Church Indoctrination: Benefits for You and Yours.

Posted by Author on January 28th, 2011

CAUTION: If you’re easily offended by criticism of the church, do not read any further.

A few days ago, a friend of mine reminded me of how long it had been since I posted anything to this blog. When I logged into my blog today  I  had over a thousand comments to other posts, which had not been moderated (approved or disapproved).   Reading through more than a  handful of the comments along with my friend’s reminder a few days ago, I finally felt the need to break my cyberspace silence.  I haven’t been  intentionally ignoring you – my captive audience; rather, I’ve been victim of the demands of every day life, commonly known as the rat race.

Still, in celebration of re-connecting with you after a lengthy absence, I’d like to challenge your thinking and your theology for a few minutes and get some things off my chest.

Occasionally, while I’m enjoying a few solemn moments busy doing nothing: channel surfing (and not blogging), walking the dog (and not blogging), texting some out of state friends…and not blogging, I’ll catch a minute or two of a preacher or televangelist doing their thing on national television.  Now, I don’t know if it’s just my luck and the way I subliminally filter these episodes – or what – but without fail every time I tune in, the preacher/televangelist/teacher is always talking about how going to church, serving God, and giving to their ministry is going to benefit me.

Will there ever be a time when a message is preached and the benefits-to-the-believer-acknowledgements be left out?

Follow me here: I promise this will make sense.

You can probably remember the last time you were forced to sit through one of those ridiculously long telephone conversations with an insurance agent.  Or, if you’re super-lucky, you can probably remember the last time the Life Insurance guy was at your house going over policies and premiums with you.  What a salesman he was, right? I mean, it has to take someone special to actually sell you something that you (personally) won’t get any use  out of or benefit from.  To top it off, you get to pay for it in monthly installments for the next 10-30 years!  As you sat through the long discussions, debating coverages, comparing premiums with other competitors and pouring cup after cup of coffee to be able to remain awake through it all, you finally decide on a policy.  And what helped you reach your decision were probably 2 answers to 2 questions:

What’s it going to cost me?

A N D

What’s the pay off when I die?

I know this, because I’m hard-wired the same way you are when it comes to things that involve the way our world systems work.  We naturally want to know what it’s going to cost, and what the pay-off is for us…or in this case our spouse and our loved ones.  Thus, the selling point of any insurance policy is always going to come down to the cost of the policy versus what you can afford to pay, and the pay-off, which is going to benefit your spouse and loved ones.

The problem is, we have been conditioned by this way of thinking and we have selfishly allowed it to dictate how we filter everything else in our lives.  Churches and preachers all over the world recognize this, and as a result, when you walk through the doors of some of the bigger or more contemporary churches of today you’re instantly greeted with open arms of everything that appeals to your senses and to your liking.

It’s not good enough to walk into a church anymore.  You have to walk into a church that looks like Disneyland!

Bright stages.

Big lighting.

HD Sound systems.

Multiple large screens with projectors.

Coffee… Even Cafe’-styled coffee bars with breakfast snacks!  I mean, God-forbid, you actually have to enter a praise & worship service without your Grande Caramel Macchiato!  I know how boring it can be to have to sing …TO GOD!

But, that’s just to warm you up.  We haven’t even touched the policy yet.  That’s saved for sermon time.

You see, it’s during sermon time when you hear things like:

“…let me show you 5 reasons why God wants you to be prosperous.”

“…God can heal you, if you’ll just use your faith.”

“…the Lord doesn’t want you to carry those burdens all by yourself.”

“…It’s not God’s will that you remain single, (or divorced…or in a bad marriage)…”

“…If you give God the first fruit of your increase, God will heal your family…”

While I think it’s great and wonderful that these statements and teachings are made from behind the pulpit, and while I know that they are said and taught to provoke a feel-good-association to the Church, the result have been anything but Godly by and large.

The Church and the gathering together of believers is for the education of the believer.  To be educated on what, or who?

On Christ.  On His teachings.

We should be going to Church to:

- be confronted

- be challenged

- be uplifted with the Truth

- be instructed for living a Godly life

Almost everything from behind the pulpit is sold to us as a BENEFIT of serving God.  We are such a self-serving society of people; it is engrained in us to want for ourselves.  Whether it be teaching on, how can I bring my wife back, how can I do better financially, how can I get a promotion at work, or, how can I live a prosperous life… everyone wants their needs met. And they expect that the Church will provide them with the answers.

Most pastors and preachers don’t want to confront you about you, because they’re afraid of losing people in their congregation.  They don’t want to tell you that YOUR abuse was the reason your wife left you; it’s easier to say, “…brother…God has someone else for you.”  They don’t want to tell you that you need to arrive to work on time; it’s easier to say, “…sister, the Lord understands…He has another job for you.”  They don’t want to tell you that you were a hypocrite at home with your children and that is why they don’t go to church today; it’s easier to say, “…every young man has to come to the Lord on their own… you did your part – you brought them to the house of God.”  They don’t want to tell you that your sexual addiction is “the reason,” because they’re convicted about their own sexual addiction.

We would rather learn how to earn more and pay off that house quicker, than learn how to build a home with our spouse and our family through Godly living.  We would rather be taught how to receive a 100-fold return on our giving, than simply how to give without expecting to receive anything at all.  We would rather learn how to justify a divorce by bending and flexing scripture and assign blame to the wayward spouse, rather than to show people in churches how to break family curses that destroyed marriages in that person’s family lineage.

The fact of the matter is this: there are more people walking out of the church with a serve me-attitude of I-deserve more than an attitude of I’m here to serve. And most of us can recite more scripture that reflect our desire to succeed in areas of health and financial prosperity than the scriptures that deal with servanthood, giving, doing for others, and otherwise living a Godly-lifestyle.

Living the life of a believer is about following.

Living the life of a believer is about exchanging identities; you give up yours, and Jesus gives you His.

Living the life of a believer is about sacrifice; it’s not about gain.

The Church’s mission is to teach you to follow His example.  Instead, much of the Church has become an institution of selling and exploiting the benefits of serving God.  It would be like window shopping outside of your favorite stores, and saying to your spouse, “…I’m going to be able to buy that with that money from our life insurance policy…when YOU die, Honey!”  If you’re a normal person – and not a con artist with criminal intent – you live your marriage with your spouse day after day, month after month, year after year giving little thought or reflection to their last day on earth.  Hopefully, you’re not thinking about how you’re going to spend the Life Insurance money someday…after he or she dies.  You look forward to the here and now, right?  You have ups and downs, right?  Good times and bad times?

So, why do we constantly have to be fed self-serving topics… or what I call the benefits of being believers?  Why does the Church spend so much time pumping you up, begging you to get into your Bibles, cheerleading during worship services, hoping that you’ll just clap a hand, or shout a praise?  Don’t you believe?

It is time we allow ourselves to be de-programmed from a self-serving, how-this-benefits-me doctrine, and allow ourselves to re-progammed to a what-am-I-doing-for-God-and-for-others mindset.

Believe me friends, the BENEFITS of serving God are great, beyond your wildest imaginations, and you can partake of them in full, after you die here on earth.  For now, try and forget about you.

Live your life today…for God.

Posted in Confrontational, Family, Parables, Personal Experience, Revelation | No Comments »

Get Divorced – God’s not Mad

Posted by Author on May 19th, 2010

Religious-based…

Misconstrued...

Misunderstood…

Misinterpreted…period.

THOSE ARE the first few words that come to mind when I think about the most common teachings and warnings given about DIVORCE, which are hurled from pulpits, spewed out by pastors and teachers around the nation every Sunday at church.  Now I know what most of you are thinking…

Please don’t tell us that you’re going to say that DIVORCE IS OKAY WITH GOD…because WE know what GOD says about divorce.

Well…in fact, hold on to your Starbucks – or at least take a minute to pour it in a hard-plastic cup, because I am going to challenge your thinking, and I wouldn’t want you to squeeze that Starbucks cup too tight and send me hate email for ruining your keyboard.


“…But God hates divorce…it’s in the Bible…”

” What God has joined together, let no man put asunder…“

I know, and I can probably quote from memory most of the scriptures in the Bible, which deal with the subject of divorce.  I am – as many of you know – a divorcee after all.  And, I’ve been divorced more than once.  Having said that, I can say from experience and having been on both sides of the AT FAULT role – that is, the victim and the perpetrator - that GOD DOES UNDERSTAND why we humans get divorced.  I didn’t say He always approves, but He understands.

Instead of taking the path that most cult leaders do, and attempt to twist scripture and manipulate you, I’m going to preface my argument by stating up front: THIS IS INDEED, MY OPINION. As you probably already know – because you already spouted off those verses (up there)… you’re not going to find anything in scripture that tells you to get divorced, unless (Matthew 5:31) your spouse has been unfaithful.  At the same time, let’s face it: if your spouse has been unfaithful, or is currently being unfaithful, you’re also probably not going to succeed at getting the Court to publicly flog him/her, or drag him/her in the center of the mall and have them stoned to death in front of Macy’s (at least not during holiday season or store-wide sales events).

So we agree, we’re not going to find God laughing, smiling, or sending text messages and tweets to angels in the heavenlies, voicing excitement over one of our thousands of divorces that occur every week in the U.S.  No…I’m not exaggerating.  In 1998, 2.2 millions couples married, and 1.1 million couples divorced.  The divorces averaged to just over 21,000 per week.

Still, put my perspective in your mouthwash for a second, and see if you can swallow where I’m coming from after you’ve cleaned your teeth.

For those of you who have children, you’re likely to palate my thoughts a little easier than those who do not.  Let’s say you have two kids.  Most of the time they get along like normal kids.  They have their good moments and their bad moments, and they have their great days and their horrible days.  On most days you don’t care so much about the little spats they have, because like most parents, you aren’t interested in justice…you want QUIET. But, there are those days where the fighting is more serious… way beyond the he won’t stop teasing me infractions that occur.  Inevitably, you do the logical thing, and you SEPARATE your kids.  That can mean a simple time out…go to your room… stay in separate spaces…you play upstairs – you play downstairs… OR, it can mean a room change inside of the home. Whatever the situation may be, there often comes a time, when kids have to be separated for their own good.

But, we’re talking about the difference of two grown adults versus brother-brother, sister-sister, or brother-sister…not divorce.

I knew you were going to say that, because an effective writer knows their audience.  ;)

Even worse…

You have two grown adults, who spoke the vows (in a church more than likely…) and can’t get along to save their lives.  If you were unfortunate enough to experience and endure an abusive childhood – as I certainly was – you were robbed of a healthy upbring by witnessing your father brutalize not only you, but also your mother.  I was around 5 years old, when one evening my father busted my mother’s forehead open with a telephone receiver, while his girlfriend was on the other end of the telephone call.

You mean to tell me that you still believe that GOD expects one to endure a tumultuous, abusive environment like that, for the sake of covenant vows? Or do you think God is like that parent – - like you and I – who though He does not like it, sometimes allows separation to happen in order to keep His kids safe?

I’m not saying that every marriage with and element of abuse has to end in divorce.  Every situation is different, and dynamics differ from one marriage to another.  There are situations where a separation > followed by counseling > followed by intervention > followed by intense therapy can heal an abusive marriage.  However, if you think I would allow my daughter to remain in an abusive relationship where she is being brutalized mentally or physically (or both) because of a one-sided, religious approach to marriage, you’re absolutely, positively wrong. The Bible is indeed black and white, but colored with splashes of red, which are representative of the words of Christ.

When religious leaders attempted to trip Him up, by holding Him to Old Testament law when it came to stoning the woman caught in the act of adultery, He didn’t embrace Law.  He drew a line in the sand, and He sat on the side of the sinner, defending…the sinner.  And instead of passing down a death sentence, He rendered a paid in full, and gave the woman life.  It’s not as easy as, Hey you’re married…you gotta wipe the blood from your nose, cover your black-eye with make-up and STAND FOR YOUR MARRIAGE.

Interpreting the Bible is not just about disecting the origin of the text, defining hebrew and greek meanings behind words, and sifting through historical notes and commentaries left by men, such as Josephus.   Interpreting God’s Word is also understanding His nature.

When I hear story after story of failing marriages, and watch and listen to so-called Pastors, Leaders, and men of the clergy attempting to coerce a battered wife to remain in a marriage with an abusive husband, it makes my blood boil… and I’d rather puke in the church’s offering bucket than sow a dollar into their Private-Jet-Special-offering-fund.

If you – being a human – can understand the instinct to protect your daughter (or your son) from an abusive marriage, what makes you think that our heavenly Father doesn’t have it within HIS nature to see the logic in the same instinct to protect His own?

God hates divorce.  Of course He does.  Do you know anyone who loves divorce?

However, God is above all else, a God of Love.  If it comes down to living a life of mistreatment, neglect, infidelity and outright abuse, you can rest assured, God understands divorce being a solution in those circumstances.  Watching couples struggle year after year, beating up one another, living miserable lives, together in a home – but separated emotionally and spiritually from one another; carrying on from one year to the next because they’re trying to prove something to the church, or they think they’re showing their children how to stand and stick it out for God is a bunch of C-R-A-P.  (would have loved to use the alternative expletive…)

You’re not showing your children how to stand for a marriage and believe God; you’re conditioning them to view abuse as normalcy, and you’re doing more damage than you’ll ever know, which you probably won’t know until your children become adults…cycle through your curses and repeat your mistakes.  Ask me how I know.

God isn’t mad at you.  Get divorced if you or your children are being abused.

God understands…and believe it or not, HE’s going to give me a pat on the back for sharing this insight with you.


Posted in Family, Insight, Relationships, Slider | 5 Comments »