Author Archive

Church Indoctrination: Benefits for You and Yours.

Posted by Author on January 28th, 2011

CAUTION: If you’re easily offended by criticism of the church, do not read any further.

A few days ago, a friend of mine reminded me of how long it had been since I posted anything to this blog. When I logged into my blog today  I  had over a thousand comments to other posts, which had not been moderated (approved or disapproved).   Reading through more than a  handful of the comments along with my friend’s reminder a few days ago, I finally felt the need to break my cyberspace silence.  I haven’t been  intentionally ignoring you – my captive audience; rather, I’ve been victim of the demands of every day life, commonly known as the rat race.

Still, in celebration of re-connecting with you after a lengthy absence, I’d like to challenge your thinking and your theology for a few minutes and get some things off my chest.

Occasionally, while I’m enjoying a few solemn moments busy doing nothing: channel surfing (and not blogging), walking the dog (and not blogging), texting some out of state friends…and not blogging, I’ll catch a minute or two of a preacher or televangelist doing their thing on national television.  Now, I don’t know if it’s just my luck and the way I subliminally filter these episodes – or what – but without fail every time I tune in, the preacher/televangelist/teacher is always talking about how going to church, serving God, and giving to their ministry is going to benefit me.

Will there ever be a time when a message is preached and the benefits-to-the-believer-acknowledgements be left out?

Follow me here: I promise this will make sense.

You can probably remember the last time you were forced to sit through one of those ridiculously long telephone conversations with an insurance agent.  Or, if you’re super-lucky, you can probably remember the last time the Life Insurance guy was at your house going over policies and premiums with you.  What a salesman he was, right? I mean, it has to take someone special to actually sell you something that you (personally) won’t get any use  out of or benefit from.  To top it off, you get to pay for it in monthly installments for the next 10-30 years!  As you sat through the long discussions, debating coverages, comparing premiums with other competitors and pouring cup after cup of coffee to be able to remain awake through it all, you finally decide on a policy.  And what helped you reach your decision were probably 2 answers to 2 questions:

What’s it going to cost me?

A N D

What’s the pay off when I die?

I know this, because I’m hard-wired the same way you are when it comes to things that involve the way our world systems work.  We naturally want to know what it’s going to cost, and what the pay-off is for us…or in this case our spouse and our loved ones.  Thus, the selling point of any insurance policy is always going to come down to the cost of the policy versus what you can afford to pay, and the pay-off, which is going to benefit your spouse and loved ones.

The problem is, we have been conditioned by this way of thinking and we have selfishly allowed it to dictate how we filter everything else in our lives.  Churches and preachers all over the world recognize this, and as a result, when you walk through the doors of some of the bigger or more contemporary churches of today you’re instantly greeted with open arms of everything that appeals to your senses and to your liking.

It’s not good enough to walk into a church anymore.  You have to walk into a church that looks like Disneyland!

Bright stages.

Big lighting.

HD Sound systems.

Multiple large screens with projectors.

Coffee… Even Cafe’-styled coffee bars with breakfast snacks!  I mean, God-forbid, you actually have to enter a praise & worship service without your Grande Caramel Macchiato!  I know how boring it can be to have to sing …TO GOD!

But, that’s just to warm you up.  We haven’t even touched the policy yet.  That’s saved for sermon time.

You see, it’s during sermon time when you hear things like:

“…let me show you 5 reasons why God wants you to be prosperous.”

“…God can heal you, if you’ll just use your faith.”

“…the Lord doesn’t want you to carry those burdens all by yourself.”

“…It’s not God’s will that you remain single, (or divorced…or in a bad marriage)…”

“…If you give God the first fruit of your increase, God will heal your family…”

While I think it’s great and wonderful that these statements and teachings are made from behind the pulpit, and while I know that they are said and taught to provoke a feel-good-association to the Church, the result have been anything but Godly by and large.

The Church and the gathering together of believers is for the education of the believer.  To be educated on what, or who?

On Christ.  On His teachings.

We should be going to Church to:

- be confronted

- be challenged

- be uplifted with the Truth

- be instructed for living a Godly life

Almost everything from behind the pulpit is sold to us as a BENEFIT of serving God.  We are such a self-serving society of people; it is engrained in us to want for ourselves.  Whether it be teaching on, how can I bring my wife back, how can I do better financially, how can I get a promotion at work, or, how can I live a prosperous life… everyone wants their needs met. And they expect that the Church will provide them with the answers.

Most pastors and preachers don’t want to confront you about you, because they’re afraid of losing people in their congregation.  They don’t want to tell you that YOUR abuse was the reason your wife left you; it’s easier to say, “…brother…God has someone else for you.”  They don’t want to tell you that you need to arrive to work on time; it’s easier to say, “…sister, the Lord understands…He has another job for you.”  They don’t want to tell you that you were a hypocrite at home with your children and that is why they don’t go to church today; it’s easier to say, “…every young man has to come to the Lord on their own… you did your part – you brought them to the house of God.”  They don’t want to tell you that your sexual addiction is “the reason,” because they’re convicted about their own sexual addiction.

We would rather learn how to earn more and pay off that house quicker, than learn how to build a home with our spouse and our family through Godly living.  We would rather be taught how to receive a 100-fold return on our giving, than simply how to give without expecting to receive anything at all.  We would rather learn how to justify a divorce by bending and flexing scripture and assign blame to the wayward spouse, rather than to show people in churches how to break family curses that destroyed marriages in that person’s family lineage.

The fact of the matter is this: there are more people walking out of the church with a serve me-attitude of I-deserve more than an attitude of I’m here to serve. And most of us can recite more scripture that reflect our desire to succeed in areas of health and financial prosperity than the scriptures that deal with servanthood, giving, doing for others, and otherwise living a Godly-lifestyle.

Living the life of a believer is about following.

Living the life of a believer is about exchanging identities; you give up yours, and Jesus gives you His.

Living the life of a believer is about sacrifice; it’s not about gain.

The Church’s mission is to teach you to follow His example.  Instead, much of the Church has become an institution of selling and exploiting the benefits of serving God.  It would be like window shopping outside of your favorite stores, and saying to your spouse, “…I’m going to be able to buy that with that money from our life insurance policy…when YOU die, Honey!”  If you’re a normal person – and not a con artist with criminal intent – you live your marriage with your spouse day after day, month after month, year after year giving little thought or reflection to their last day on earth.  Hopefully, you’re not thinking about how you’re going to spend the Life Insurance money someday…after he or she dies.  You look forward to the here and now, right?  You have ups and downs, right?  Good times and bad times?

So, why do we constantly have to be fed self-serving topics… or what I call the benefits of being believers?  Why does the Church spend so much time pumping you up, begging you to get into your Bibles, cheerleading during worship services, hoping that you’ll just clap a hand, or shout a praise?  Don’t you believe?

It is time we allow ourselves to be de-programmed from a self-serving, how-this-benefits-me doctrine, and allow ourselves to re-progammed to a what-am-I-doing-for-God-and-for-others mindset.

Believe me friends, the BENEFITS of serving God are great, beyond your wildest imaginations, and you can partake of them in full, after you die here on earth.  For now, try and forget about you.

Live your life today…for God.

Posted in Confrontational, Family, Parables, Personal Experience, Revelation | No Comments »

take my breath away.

Posted by Author on September 16th, 2010

THE SEA tossed the boat wildly atop waves ten to fifteen feet high, as the violent winds funneled through the east-west aligned hills of Galilee. The experienced fishermen were all too familiar with the ferocious storms, and as the thunder crashed above their voices they struggled, trapped in the basin of the deadly storm. The men slid from one side of the boat to the other, unable to balance themselves long enough to pail water out of the boat.

“The water is coming in too fast!” Peter screamed in fearful panic. “We’ve got to get that water out…keep those buckets going!”

The panic in Peter’s voice – barely audible – was enough to keep the other fisherman moving as quickly as possible.

“How do you expect us to move any faster? We can’t stand up long enough to do anything!” James yelled back.

The waves took turns, crashing into both sides of the boat, rocking it back and forth. The wind howled as the brief, unpredictable lightning flashes gave short glimpses of the dark, raging sea. The other accompanying boats could be seen in the distance.

“Where is he?” James screamed in anger.

“Where is who?” Peter cried, gripping the side of the boat as he pulled himself to his feet.

“The Master!” James yelled.

Waiting on the lightning to allow for a chance to see, the waves smashed into the boat again, throwing Peter backward. Peter tried to grab a hold of anything to keep from falling, but his sandals found nothing to grip beneath his feet but water.

“Peter!” James screamed, as he rushed to help him.

Peter’s head hit the floor of the stern hard, and he screamed in pain. Rubbing the back of his head bewildered, he planted his left hand and felt… His warm arm.

Surprised, Peter yelled out, “Master!” Peter sat up on his knees and shook His arm and pushed on his hip. “Master…wake up!”

His eyes opened, and he immediately felt the water on the right side of his face. His clothing was soaked and his long, stringy hair was drenched in water.

“How can you sleep at a time like this?” Peter asked, with a bit of disgust in his voice.
“Don’t you care that we are about to die?”

Jesus pushed a handful of wet strands of hair behind his ears and rolled from his side onto his back. He sat up and felt the cold water run down his back, as the wind sprayed the cool water on his face. He tilted his head downward and wiped his face with the backside of his right hand, as his body shifted to one side. The boat continued to rock more violently.

His hands, submerged in water, pushed up on the wooden floor, and he stood up. Feeling the water hug his ankles and feet, he braced himself briefly, with one hand on the side of the boat to find his balance.   He looked out into the darkness as the wind beat against his body. He raised his right hand and spread his five fingers.

“P E A C E !” He yelled out in a sustaining voice.

The rain stopped.

The wind ceased.

The waves continued, tossing the boat.

“B E S T I L L !” He commanded in a stern, authoritative voice. He dropped his hand slowly to his side, and felt the light breeze blowing his wet hair, behind him.

A few moments later, the motion of the waves began to quiet, leaving the boat gently rocking under the moonlight, as Peter, James and the others sat in the boat, looking up at Him. Jesus stood in the center of the boat, made brief eye contact with all of them individually…and sighed.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ask yourself this question: What kind of man sleeps through a storm?

HE SLEPT peacefully while the others struggled. Not because he didn’t care, but because he was in charge. He was in command. And he had peace. Inner peace. The kind of peace that knows the outcome, and therefore doesn’t need to “lose sleep.” There was nothing that could arise, that he could not handle. There was not anything that could come up, that he could not shut down.

“But he was Jesus, the Son of God…” you might say. Yes, but remember, it was his idea to get in the boat and go the other side of the lake to begin with.

Don’t miss the symbolism.

Jesus doesn’t tell you to go anywhere that he doesn’t go with, as a travel companion. Jesus sails with you in the boat. He’s with you during smooth sailing, and you can best believe He’s there when the storm comes in.

God doesn’t promise you a life of smooth sailing. He does promise you He’ll always be there, and He’ll never leave you or forsake you. Jesus knew when they set out for the “other side” that there would be a storm later that evening. Did he worry? Did he fear the storm’s coming? No. Infact, he was so peaceful, he went to sleep.

What do you do when the storms of life come blowing in?

When an unexpected ailment hits your body, resulting in an expected doctor bill that makes its way to your mailbox? What do you do when she says “it’s over” or he says “we’re finished?” How do you respond when the time off becomes the lay off? When the outgo exceeds the income. When there’s more less than excess? When the dark sky replaces the blue sky?

Be encouraged. Know that everything you encounter has to be approved by God’s permissible will. And if He has permitted it, He’ll see you through it. Storms are part of nature…nature’s way of telling us that there is something more powerful out there, and beyond our control. But they are not out of His control…and He’s in you and with you.  The power to arrest the storms of life are in you.

Posted in Parables, Relationships | 1 Comment »

Thief in the Night

Posted by Author on July 1st, 2010

IT WAS THE END of Memorial Day weekend (last month) and I was  working out of town, in Oklahoma.  Much of my work in the film/video  industry requires a lot of post-production editing, which means I spend  more of my waking hours in front of a computer than anything else.  I had just returned from Florida, where I had been working on a project  with a client – an international recording artist.  It so happened, that I  had decided to get a jump on the morning’s work load, and decided to  stay up late editing his project.

Part of the process of editing film requires (sometimes) many hours of  waiting on the computer to render sequences  and process special effects.  Knowing I had some rendering time and a bit of a wait in front of me, I decided to go out, get some fresh air, and go on a short drive while my computer was back at the house, doing its thing.

Not more than an hour or so later, I pulled back into the driveway and made my way to the front door.  What happened next would never be forgotten.

I unlocked the front door and made my way through the small living room to the dining area, where my computer and editing bay was set up, when I noticed that some coin-change, which had previously been on the kitchen counter was spread onto the kitchen floor.  Suddenly an eerie feeling came over me, and I cautiously walked through the house, making my way to the master bedroom.

Just as I was walked into the bedroom, I couldn’t help but notice the bed, which was pushed away from the wall and the window.  The window was broken and glass was scattered all over the carpet.  In a half-second, I glanced around the room and found all of the dresser drawers opened, the reality still hitting me: I’ve been robbed.

My heart found its way to the center of my throat – so it seemed, and I ran back into the living room only to discover what I had feared… two bags of equipment had been stolen.  $7500 worth of high end camera equipment, computer equipment, etc… GONE.

Naturally, I called 9-1-1 and (naturally) waited patiently for 45 minutes for the police to arrive.  It was the longest 45 minutes of my life, and at 39 years of age I couldn’t help but bury my face in my hands and cry.  It wasn’t just the thought of losing my prized Canon 5D Mark II, or my Blu-Ray Authoring Drive.   In one of the bags were also 12-15 hours of video footage, which I had filmed in Jerusalem for a client last fall, and hundreds of irreplaceable photos, which belonged to other clients – stored on a computer hard drive.

Over the next several days, my mind was like an FBI laboratory with thousands of thoughts, hundreds of questions and at least a dozen expletives for the person(s), who stole my belongings.  With that – for some reason – my mind continued to return to just one passage of scripture.

“…for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night.”

Found in 1 Thessalonians 5:2, the scripture makes reference to the end of time, when the Lord makes His return to earth to rapture His believers.  As you can imagine, with the events I had just experienced, the word thief was not exactly a word of comfort to me – even if it was written in the good book. In fact, I couldn’t help but wonder for the first time: WHY IN THE HECK WOULD the word THIEF be used to DESCRIBE the GOD I SERVE?

AND WHY CAN’T I GET MY MIND OFF OF THIS VERSE!

CAN YOU HELP ME OUT HERE AND GIVE ME SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE PLEASANT TO MEDITATE ON, GOD?

Needless to say, I think God humored me, and I decided to do a little studying… you know… since I didn’t have a CAMERA TO TAKE ANY PICTURES WITH…or, a LAPTOP COMPUTER TO WORK ON…!  (GRRR!)

In my pity party – hosted by ME, and where I alone were the sole attendee, by MYSELF mind you – I came to some interesting revelation about the passage.

The Apostle Paul, in that passage (1Thess. 5:1-5, NIV) refers to “people,” “them,” and “they.”  He clearly paints a picture, which distinguishes believers from unbelievers.

1Now, brothers, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, 2for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. 3While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.

4But you, brothers, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. 5You are all sons of the light and sons of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness.

I realized… in the midst of my pain, that the thief described in this passage is NOT a thief to the believer, but a thief-perceived by the unbeliever.  Keep in mind, the reference says, “…like a thief.” Often times in scripture, biblical authors use the word “like,” (in this context) because of it being the strongest word to denote comparative illustration:

“Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting.” (ACTS 2:2)

“Then I saw what looked like a sea of glass mixed with fire…”  (REVELATION 15:2)

A thief catches the unprepared by surprise.

A thief cannot act as a thief or be perceived as a thief to one who is prepared.

The return of the Lord for His believers is not an act of theft to the believer, but to the unbeliever left behind.

The night of May 31st was a surprise to me, because I was not expecting to be robbed or to be stolen from.  I was caught by surprise.  I wasn’t prepared for what could happen to me.  And like you hear most people say, who experience anything terrible like this: I never thought it could happen to me.

Don’t let it happen to you.

Posted in Personal, Personal Experience | No Comments »

Get Divorced – God’s not Mad

Posted by Author on May 19th, 2010

Religious-based…

Misconstrued...

Misunderstood…

Misinterpreted…period.

THOSE ARE the first few words that come to mind when I think about the most common teachings and warnings given about DIVORCE, which are hurled from pulpits, spewed out by pastors and teachers around the nation every Sunday at church.  Now I know what most of you are thinking…

Please don’t tell us that you’re going to say that DIVORCE IS OKAY WITH GOD…because WE know what GOD says about divorce.

Well…in fact, hold on to your Starbucks – or at least take a minute to pour it in a hard-plastic cup, because I am going to challenge your thinking, and I wouldn’t want you to squeeze that Starbucks cup too tight and send me hate email for ruining your keyboard.


“…But God hates divorce…it’s in the Bible…”

” What God has joined together, let no man put asunder…“

I know, and I can probably quote from memory most of the scriptures in the Bible, which deal with the subject of divorce.  I am – as many of you know – a divorcee after all.  And, I’ve been divorced more than once.  Having said that, I can say from experience and having been on both sides of the AT FAULT role – that is, the victim and the perpetrator - that GOD DOES UNDERSTAND why we humans get divorced.  I didn’t say He always approves, but He understands.

Instead of taking the path that most cult leaders do, and attempt to twist scripture and manipulate you, I’m going to preface my argument by stating up front: THIS IS INDEED, MY OPINION. As you probably already know – because you already spouted off those verses (up there)… you’re not going to find anything in scripture that tells you to get divorced, unless (Matthew 5:31) your spouse has been unfaithful.  At the same time, let’s face it: if your spouse has been unfaithful, or is currently being unfaithful, you’re also probably not going to succeed at getting the Court to publicly flog him/her, or drag him/her in the center of the mall and have them stoned to death in front of Macy’s (at least not during holiday season or store-wide sales events).

So we agree, we’re not going to find God laughing, smiling, or sending text messages and tweets to angels in the heavenlies, voicing excitement over one of our thousands of divorces that occur every week in the U.S.  No…I’m not exaggerating.  In 1998, 2.2 millions couples married, and 1.1 million couples divorced.  The divorces averaged to just over 21,000 per week.

Still, put my perspective in your mouthwash for a second, and see if you can swallow where I’m coming from after you’ve cleaned your teeth.

For those of you who have children, you’re likely to palate my thoughts a little easier than those who do not.  Let’s say you have two kids.  Most of the time they get along like normal kids.  They have their good moments and their bad moments, and they have their great days and their horrible days.  On most days you don’t care so much about the little spats they have, because like most parents, you aren’t interested in justice…you want QUIET. But, there are those days where the fighting is more serious… way beyond the he won’t stop teasing me infractions that occur.  Inevitably, you do the logical thing, and you SEPARATE your kids.  That can mean a simple time out…go to your room… stay in separate spaces…you play upstairs – you play downstairs… OR, it can mean a room change inside of the home. Whatever the situation may be, there often comes a time, when kids have to be separated for their own good.

But, we’re talking about the difference of two grown adults versus brother-brother, sister-sister, or brother-sister…not divorce.

I knew you were going to say that, because an effective writer knows their audience.  ;)

Even worse…

You have two grown adults, who spoke the vows (in a church more than likely…) and can’t get along to save their lives.  If you were unfortunate enough to experience and endure an abusive childhood – as I certainly was – you were robbed of a healthy upbring by witnessing your father brutalize not only you, but also your mother.  I was around 5 years old, when one evening my father busted my mother’s forehead open with a telephone receiver, while his girlfriend was on the other end of the telephone call.

You mean to tell me that you still believe that GOD expects one to endure a tumultuous, abusive environment like that, for the sake of covenant vows? Or do you think God is like that parent – - like you and I – who though He does not like it, sometimes allows separation to happen in order to keep His kids safe?

I’m not saying that every marriage with and element of abuse has to end in divorce.  Every situation is different, and dynamics differ from one marriage to another.  There are situations where a separation > followed by counseling > followed by intervention > followed by intense therapy can heal an abusive marriage.  However, if you think I would allow my daughter to remain in an abusive relationship where she is being brutalized mentally or physically (or both) because of a one-sided, religious approach to marriage, you’re absolutely, positively wrong. The Bible is indeed black and white, but colored with splashes of red, which are representative of the words of Christ.

When religious leaders attempted to trip Him up, by holding Him to Old Testament law when it came to stoning the woman caught in the act of adultery, He didn’t embrace Law.  He drew a line in the sand, and He sat on the side of the sinner, defending…the sinner.  And instead of passing down a death sentence, He rendered a paid in full, and gave the woman life.  It’s not as easy as, Hey you’re married…you gotta wipe the blood from your nose, cover your black-eye with make-up and STAND FOR YOUR MARRIAGE.

Interpreting the Bible is not just about disecting the origin of the text, defining hebrew and greek meanings behind words, and sifting through historical notes and commentaries left by men, such as Josephus.   Interpreting God’s Word is also understanding His nature.

When I hear story after story of failing marriages, and watch and listen to so-called Pastors, Leaders, and men of the clergy attempting to coerce a battered wife to remain in a marriage with an abusive husband, it makes my blood boil… and I’d rather puke in the church’s offering bucket than sow a dollar into their Private-Jet-Special-offering-fund.

If you – being a human – can understand the instinct to protect your daughter (or your son) from an abusive marriage, what makes you think that our heavenly Father doesn’t have it within HIS nature to see the logic in the same instinct to protect His own?

God hates divorce.  Of course He does.  Do you know anyone who loves divorce?

However, God is above all else, a God of Love.  If it comes down to living a life of mistreatment, neglect, infidelity and outright abuse, you can rest assured, God understands divorce being a solution in those circumstances.  Watching couples struggle year after year, beating up one another, living miserable lives, together in a home – but separated emotionally and spiritually from one another; carrying on from one year to the next because they’re trying to prove something to the church, or they think they’re showing their children how to stand and stick it out for God is a bunch of C-R-A-P.  (would have loved to use the alternative expletive…)

You’re not showing your children how to stand for a marriage and believe God; you’re conditioning them to view abuse as normalcy, and you’re doing more damage than you’ll ever know, which you probably won’t know until your children become adults…cycle through your curses and repeat your mistakes.  Ask me how I know.

God isn’t mad at you.  Get divorced if you or your children are being abused.

God understands…and believe it or not, HE’s going to give me a pat on the back for sharing this insight with you.


Posted in Family, Insight, Relationships, Slider | 5 Comments »

It’s NOT about you.

Posted by Author on April 12th, 2010

Almost every personal website has an “About Me” button somewhere on the menu. Almost every company website has an “About Us” button. Don’t roll your eyes – I’m not going to write about the opposition to the i-Centered society we live in…

Okay… I am. That’s exactly what I am going to write about. Roll your eyes. (Go ahead…you know you want to.)

We live in a society (at least in America) that conditions us from the day we are born to focus and focus on one thing only: what do you think I want, and what plans are you making to make sure I get it? Without the ability to intellectualize and verbally affirm this way of thinking – at least not at 1 minute past the time of birth – the desire to be heard, to assert our purpose, and to prioritize for you what is most important to us becomes the underlying, ever-driving, secret mission, and unspoken manifesto of all of us. (Except you. You’re different.)

We cannot help it. At least not initially.

We are born with needs. We are born in a state of complete and utter dependence upon others. Depending on how our individual needs are met or are not met, will result in the framework and the blueprint, from out of which our emotional and physical needs will be requested throughout the days, weeks, months and years ahead.

Over time, the denial of our needs – or the inabilities and incapacities of others to meet them – will form and force our self-image, self-confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem to develop. Unfortunately, the development of “self” at some point falls into our hands to chisel through, and our instinctive self-dependence takes over to some degree.

Generally speaking, I don’t make it a practice to shove my spiritual beliefs on others, and I don’t find others who do to be irresistibly becoming. However, I am bold and unashamed to say that I am a follower of Jesus Christ. It is out of this relationship that I wish to communicate my point.

Standing on my belief and understanding of Christian principles, I believe that dependence upon “self” was never meant to be the plan for mankind. I would go as far as to say that I’m not convinced that self-image, self-confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem were ever in God’s plan for mankind either. If the Bible is true, which I truly believe, then one has to conclude by its declaration therein: man was not created to be independent, but de-pendent upon God.

This being the foundational philosophy behind my writing here, to continually pursue a world, where we as individuals are the central focus and the central goal is completely selfish. To journey through this window of time, referred to as “our life” without others being the central focus is unfulfilling, unrewarding and empty.

As I pondered my thoughts on this subject and began organizing my ideas, I thought back to my experience in Marine Boot Camp. Interestingly enough, one of the immediate and primary challenges of a drill instructor is to remove the words “I” and “me” from the vocabulary of his Marine recruits. If you have had the opportunity of visiting Marine Boot Camp at MCRD in San Diego, or Paris Island, SC, you may have noticed that Marine recruits are constantly referring to themselves as “this recruit,” rather than I or me. The philosophy is that by removing the terminology which promotes individuality, a philosophy focusing on others and on the “team” slowly moves to the forefront of the Marine’s thinking. This could possibly explain why the U.S. Marines have the highest number of Medal of Honor awards given to their servicemen, comparatively speaking. The selfless and sacrificial acts of heroic deeds embody the principle: laying one’s life down for his friend.

Imagine a world where the focus on the welfare of others was placed above the importance of our-selves. Imagine a world where self-promotion was viewed as taboo, and the interests in the lives of others were promoted as priority numero Uno.

Consider for a moment a world without the commercialization of vanity and the It’s all about Me aroma of self-indulgence and self-gratification. Shouldn’t life be about giving? About fulfilling? About serving?

Left to the dependence upon others, we inevitably rest our fate in the brokeness and dysfunctions of those struggling to maintain themselves. Reliant upon self-dependence, we are faced with the painful realization that we still need another.

Imagine. Consider.

So, when I see the “About Me” menu option, I almost instinctively respond inside of my head, “Who…What now?”

But again, that’s about Me.

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Restraint

Posted by Author on April 8th, 2010

“I know, I know, I know…”

These have been the words I’ve repeated to my friends and family over the past several months. As you can see, it’s been quite a while since my last blog posting. Since many of you have been so patient in waiting for my return from the hiatus, this entire posting is going to be dedicated to my explanation of my absence on my own blog. (what kind of a guy ignores his very own blog, like it’s an old t-shirt in the bottom of his dresser drawer anyways?) There’s a short answer and a long answer to that question. I’ll give you the more lengthy answer, and hopefully it will provide some LIFE insights for you along the way…

Obviously, to most of my readers and my relatively small band of faithful followers (at least those following my blog…I’m certainly not starting a cult up here in the mountains…) you already know this about me: I am an outspoken person, who almost never has a one-word answer to a question or statement. Believe it or not, over the last several months I fell into a dark, deep, quiet place of inner reflection and analysis…as I have at different times throughout my life.

However, this time was a bit different. My reflective mood was not provoked or brought on by the onset of a depressive mood or challenging life-issue. This time, it was brought on by a close, long time mentor of mine, who 5 months ago challenged my thinking with a few – yes, just a few – sentences and questions. One of his first statements to me was: Phillip, you have to learn restraint.

Now, before I get any further, I need to clarify his statement for you. He wasn’t referring to an addictive habit, or a character flaw revealing weakness. Quite simply, he was referring to my, being so outspoken. Initially, I have to say… I was mildly offended.

Learn restraint? Are you kidding me! The first half of my life was being told I was to listen and not speak. With that came the unspoken demands, crippling my ability to express myself, and forcing me to suppress my instinctive need to cross communicate. Now that I put myself through years of therapy, psycho-analysis, and after subjecting and baring my soul to counselors you’re going to ask me not to do what everyone of them asked me to do by asking me to RESTRAIN my communication once again?

Believe-you-me, after sharing his first thought with me, I was already entertaining the option to give him the – another call’s coming through right now and I HAVE to grab this one – (let me call you back after the 10G iPhone hits the Apple Stores in Guam) However, my integrity wouldn’t allow me to spew out the lie I was gargling, and I…

REMAINED ON THE PHONE.

By this time I’m thinking: what’s next on the MUST LEARN LIST FOR PHILLIP? Walking a long path on rice paper without leaving a trace? (Right…too many episodes of David Carradine on Kung Fu, and that ridiculous bald kid named Grasshopper – - imagery flashing through my brain.)

I’m going to stop right here.

I’m not even going to get into the next statement that was spoken to me that afternoon.

The restraint my friend and mentor was speaking of has to do with a life of discipline. Discipline of the mind, of the emotions, of the will, and of the Spirit. We live in a society where very little restraint is on display. It’s wear what you want, say what you want, feel what you want, express yourself, and forget about everything and everyone else, LOOK OUT FOR #1… LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD. Right?

The problem with that way of thinking can be summarized with a single word and a single idea: self.

RESTRAINT is disciplining yourself to slow down your reaction and response time.

- Sit in silence when you want to scream.

- Fold your hands when you want to raise them in defiance.

- Walk away from a fight instead of throwing a punch.

- Allow yourself to absorb, rather than ingest yourself into a situation.

- Resist the need to be heard, instead of raising your voice in defense.

I can go on, but you get the point.

So, my hiatus has been a return to the basics of my core beliefs. I have purposely kept my mouth shut during a time when I wanted to sound-off on a variety of real life issues and every day situations, which we’re all faced with. And quite honestly, resisting the urge to login to my blog wasn’t that difficult after the first few times. I kept reminding myself that restraint was my goal. Try it. Restrain your SELF. In a very short period of time you will undoubtedly – eventually – be confronted with the same truth that every human being is forced to admit at some point: Life is not about me.

“…when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously.” 1 Peter 2:23

Posted in Parables, Personal Experience, Relationships, Slider | 3 Comments »

Turned Off.

Posted by Author on March 6th, 2010


My wife, my family, and most of my friends already know.

For the most part, I am not a fan of today’s Christian Church. I am not prejudice either – I am not singling out the Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians, Pentecostals, LDS or even the non-denominational members. I am talking about most of the Christian Church as a whole. You’ve probably noticed by now; I have purposely placed emphasis on the words, most and Christian. Two reasons for this:

1. “Most,” afford my pastor and minister-friends a safe, he’s-not-talking-about-me-because-he-likes-and supports-our-ministry, peace of mind.

2. Christian, informs all of the world’s (other) non-Christian believers know that I am not picking on them.

I know, I know.

I know what you’re thinking already.

“How can you say YOU ARE a Christian and not be a fan of the Church?”

…and I am glad you asked because there is a very good and a very simple answer to that question.

A church’s mere existence, with open doors, floor-stomping-preaching and gospel music bouncing off of the four walls of the sanctuary a few times every week does not mean Christ can actually be found there.

Over the years, I have taken a lot of flack from family members, so-called friends, and even a few ministers (here and there) who have criticized my beliefs, challenged my theological foundation, and even ostracized me because of my stand on various issues.

Now, I cannot give you a fair chance to defend me or them, without sharing a handful of the issues with you. For all intents and purposes, I’ll outline a few of them for you and you can draw your own conclusions. If I’m not given my own talk-radio show, if my “friend” count drops on FaceBook, or if I receive a piece of mail without an actual letter inside – BUT a disturbing white powdery-substance on the inside, I’ll know I ticked-off a few people. And that’s okay… I’ve rocked the boat on more than one sea in my lifetime.

A few of the issues…

1. CHRISTIANS SHOULDN’T HAVE GAY FRIENDS… I didn’t say that. That’s what I’ve been told, and by more than just a few “Christians.” From a “religious” perspective, I can see how some may arrive at this conclusion, but I just cannot seem to find anything in scripture to back-up the suggestion. I certainly cannot find anything in scripture that would convince me to completely alienate myself from an increasing number of people who carry on a gay lifestyle. Unfortunately, although I’m fairly astute in matters of psychology and psychiatry, I’m not willing to debate whether or not being gay is due to some form of psychological illness or emotional deficiency, or the result of the person having grown up with one parent or both.

Keep in mind, the issue is Christians shouldn’t have gay friends.

When the controversial statement has been directed toward me, my response has always been, “why shouldn’t they?”

Despite the weird look on their face, which always follows my response, I never get a clear cut answer that is biblically and theologically sound. And the few attempts by the debating persons, who have suggested a scriptural reference or two, just don’t sway my conviction.

I’ll tell you “why” in a moment.

2. CHRISTIANS SHOULDN’T DRINK ALCOHOL. Again, I understand how some church-attendees could conceive the notion, but it’s just not in the Bible. If you can find me anything that (even) mildly suggests consumption of alcohol being a no-no, then you’re also going to have to explain what Jesus was doing at Mary’s house turning the water into wine. Not only was it considered a miracle according to scripture, it was also Jesus’ coming-out miracle, if you will. It was the first public miracle mentioned in the Bible. Considering that his second miracle was the healing of an official’s dying son, I’d say turning 120 gallons of water into 120 gallons of wine during a wedding reception (pretty much) clears up the no-alcohol-for-Christians debate.

3. CHRISTIANS SHOULD SEPARATE THEMSELVES FROM THE WORLD. This is one of my favorites, and it kind of goes side-by-side with #1. The idea that Bible-believing Christians should not mingle, associate, or otherwise find fellowship with non-believers is absurd. People, who believe in God and confess to being Christian forget that Jesus came to die for the sin of all mankind; He didn’t die for the religious and the self-righteous alone. Have you ever tried approaching a frightened or timid dog while yelling and screaming at it? (If you have, how did that work out for you?)

Have you ever tried communicating in English with someone, who doesn’t speak English? (How did that go?)

Have you ever tried making an acquaintance of someone, who was prejudice against your race?

Exactly.

You aren’t going to win a frightened dog’s affection by yelling at it; you’re going to scare the dog away. You may even provoke an unwelcomed response from the dog. You aren’t going to succeed in communication with a person if you aren’t speaking their language. You don’t even have a chance. Someone has to sacrifice the time and energy of learning the other’s language if there is going to be the possibility of communication. Likewise, living with prejudice against another’s race will do nothing more than create distance and segregation between you and the other.

As a Christian, you cannot share your faith in Christ with anyone, who you aren’t willing to befriend.

4. CHURCH AND CHURCH ATTENDANCE IS PARAMOUNT TO A CHRISTIAN. Believe it or not, I know more Christians who are living in turmoil and attending church, than those who aren’t attending church. I also know more Christians – attending church – who have broken homes and broken families than I do people who don’t attend whatsoever.

Church was originally established to instill doctrine, confront spiritual weakness, develop disciples, and prepare believers to go out and minister to the “lost,” and to the non-believer. Of course, it was also established to be a place where fellow believers could sharpen and encourage one another, but the primary focus of attendance was on education and preparation of the believer.

Do I believe Church attendance is important? Absolutely, but only if you can find a Church that teaches “Christianity” – the life of one who follows the teachings of Christ. Do I think Church attendance is vital to one’s growth as a believer? I believe a relationship with God and His son Jesus is vital for growth as a believer. I didn’t establish a relationship with my step-mother until I was out of the house for more than 5 years, and to this day, besides my wife my relationship with my step-mother is the strongest relationship I have. Oh – and we built our relationship with 1500 miles between us. Relationship develops through communication, through spending time and energy in building a relationship.

Yes, I have gay friends. My gay friends have heard the Gospel. My gay friends were either raised in the church, or they were raised with Christianity taught to them. I can’t explain their lifestyle, and the last time I read the Bible all the way through I didn’t come across anything that told me I had to prepare to defend the life-choices of my friends on Judgement Day. (I’m going to have my hands full just answering for my life!) I don’t have to tell them anything about Jesus or about the Bible, and I don’t. I don’t beat them over the head with my beliefs, because I don’t have to. I demonstrate my faith to them. I show them what I believe…

- by not judging them and not telling them that they are going to hell

- by accepting them

- by being consistent with them; by being there for them

- by being who I am, and not allowing their lifestyle to influence my beliefs

- by loving them

- and guess what – most important – if it is between my approach, or a barking-preacher on television trying to scare them into the Kingdom, I’ll bet on my approach – Jesus wins.

This does not mean that I approve of everything in their lifestyle. I’m sure they don’t approve of everything in my lifestyle! I live knowing that while their lifestyle may not be pleasing to God, I am a sinner too. And believe it or not, God doesn’t love me anymore than He loves my gay friends.

You must not forget, Jesus not only pursued the sinners, the outcast, the unpopular; Jesus also handpicked His 12 disciples, most of whom didn’t have squeaky clean and stellar backgrounds.

Matthew – one of the 12 – was a tax collector, as you may or may not know. He was one of the most despicable people in all of Israel, before Jesus selected him. He was employed by the Roman government to extort taxes from his own people. And the tax money – it went towards funding the Roman army.

Simon – not Simon Peter – but the other Simon, called Simon the “Zealot,” was a member of the Zealot political party. The Zealots were a violent, political extremist group, whose main goal was to overthrow the Roman rule. Much of the work of the Zealots included assassination to advance their political agenda.

And what about Judas?

I’ve made my point.

Jesus didn’t choose Pharisees. He didn’t choose upstanding leaders of the Sanhedrin, or bible-thumping men of the Temple. He chose broken men. He chose men with…issues. He befriended the unbelieving, I-won’t-believe-it-until-I-see-it, doubting Thomas.

He handpicked the “traitor,” Judas.

If I judge people, I almost immediately alienate myself from them. To those Christians who are struggling with my thoughts here, let me ask you:

Where in the Bible do you find Jesus rejecting the sinner…rejecting the lost?

Didn’t He – when the so-called religious leaders wanted to stone the prostitute – pardon her?

He didn’t accept her sin; but He accepted her.

He didn’t judge her sin; but He forgave her sin.

Most of my family and friends know this about me, and it may come as a shock to you, but I would almost prefer to hang out with non-believers than I would believers. Most believers are phony. Their actions, their words, what they share, what they project is artificial most of the time.

Give me people who are real – people who admit their faults openly – people who don’t hide behind a set of dos and do-nots, but can actually admit that they don’t have it all together – I can hang out with those people all day long, 7 days-a-week. What I can’t deal with – or – maybe what I choose not to deal with are the ones who say they do believe, say they do follow what the Church teaches them, but their family life is constantly in chaos. They mistreat their spouse. Their kids can’t stand them and consider them hypocrites. They don’t show any compassion on people, but they live in a constant state of judgement over every-thing and every-one who isn’t attending their church.

You need only browse through my “Home” page on FaceBook to find that there are people of varying backgrounds and all walks of life amongst those on my “friends” list. Some of them cuss and often type off-color remarks and make obscene statements. Some of them carry on alternative lifestyles and post “objectionable” content. If you’re a believer and it offends you, it only shows how shallow your theology is. If you’re a Christian, and you have nothing but other, so-called Christians on your “Friend” list, shame on you. I was on Jesus’ friend list when He chose to die for my filthy, sin-filled life… and Thank God He did.

In closing out this blog entry, let me say this.

Jesus was 33 years old when He died. The Bible first illustrates His self-awareness when He was 12 years old, and was teaching in the synagogue one afternoon, while His parents were running the streets, trying to find Him. When they finally caught up with Him, His explanation was, “I must be about my Father’s business.”

He knew who He was, even then. He was well aware of His purpose. But He didn’t launch into public ministry just yet. In fact, He waited. He waited and prepared almost 20 more years.

Jesus spent the last 3 1/2 years of His life in actual public ministry. 90% of His life was preparing for His 3 1/2 years of fame…fame that would climax to a death sentence. In 33 years, He never judged a sinner. He never rejected another human being.

There is too much focus on sin, and not enough focus on redemption. Too much rush to judgment, instead of an urgency to forgive. Too much talk about right and wrong, instead of grace and mercy.

You can have your religion. I’ll take a relationship with God, and focus on what means most to God…people. If you don’t understand that people – sinners – are the most important thing to God…you’re in the wrong church, and guess what? – Jesus would not attend your church.

Posted in Offline, Personal, Personal Experience, Relationships, Slider | 1 Comment »

Self-Help, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem #*%&

Posted by Author on January 28th, 2010

There! I said it.

Let me preface by saying this: I know this is going to rub some of my readers the wrong way – and I am okay with the consequences, but those of you who really know me, know where I stand on this nonsense.

So, here goes.

There are several common terms used in psychology, counseling and other “sciences,” which have been running rampant for so long that they are now practically embedded in American culture. Before you get too excited – ya’ know, raising one eyebrow, turning your head slightly to the left and taking that deep breath… RELAX. I’m not going to go Tom Cruise on you and tell you that I believe psychology is a pseudo-science and I don’t believe in medication. However… I probably will challenge some of you with my thought process here.

SELF-HELP

SELF-CONFIDENCE

SELF-ESTEEM

There have been numerous books written on all three. There are volumes upon volumes of study materials available to students all over the academic world on these subjects. Borders, Barnes & Noble, Walden Books, and a handful of other bookstore chains all over North America and beyond have isles dedicated to these ever-expanding subjects. In fact, “SELF-HELP” was at one time (not sure if it still holds true) an entire section of reading material at some of these bookstores.

I myself, am a supporter of the field of science and social science as a whole. I will be the first to admit: one of my most favorite books early on was a self-help book titled, Seeds of Greatness, by Dennis Waitley. I was 15 when I first read it, and it was one in a list of a few dozen I read before I turned 18.

Undoubtedly, there has been a lot of great knowledge and enlightening information that has come from these subjects. There have been countless numbers of people, who have been rescued, revitalized, revamped, reshaped and reborn (so-to-speak) from these enlightenments. Unfortunately, (and – you can take that deep breath now) it is all one big deception, and it is completely God-less in its basic structure. (here’s where some will say “see ya,” and type in another web address on the address bar)

You were never meant to rely on “self.” Not for breathing. Not for waking up after a long night’s rest. Not for making your digestive system function. Not for arriving from the west coast to the east coast in a 747. And if you were never meant to rely on “help” with “self” then you may as well wave bye-bye to self-confidence and self-esteem as well. The very fact that we’ve been trying to help ourselves for centuries, while simultaneously digging ourselves into more and more problems should be enough to confirm – we’re not very good at that SELF-HELP thing.

You had no hand, no say, and no influence in coming into existence. You had absolutely no control over your conception or inception. You had no control over that precise moment, when you inhaled your first breath of oxygen, and you have absolutely zero control over when you will exhale your last bit of carbon dioxide before your depart from this life.

The simple fact that you exist right now is nothing short of an act of God’s grace.

From the beginning of time, man and woman were created to be reliant and dependent upon God. Take yourselfout of life’s equation, and God still exists. Remove God from life’s equation and there is no LIFE. Life does not exist without God. Period. Try and convince me that LIFE as we know it is the result of a comic blast in outer space – some millions of years ago – and I’ll tell you to go shake a box of transistor radio parts. When the shaking stops, if you can open your box in front of me and reveal a complete (and) working radio, I may sit down with you for a few minutes and listen to your Big Bang Theory. However, we both know that’s not going to happen.

If you believe that you have a Creator, then there is no puzzle to what I am saying; it becomes a matter of accepting or rejecting the responsibility to be independent from God, or dependent upon God. If you don’t believe that you have a Creator, then this posting isn’t for you and you are probably no longer reading me anyway.

Life becomes much more simple when you stop wrestling with independence and accept dependence upon God.  When you recognize this as a truth of life, “self” tends to mean less and less. After John the Baptist baptized Jesus, he said, “I must decrease so that He may increase,” meaning quite simply: all of us must make the decision to relinquish our will in exchange for the will of God.

Jesus said, in the sermon of the Beatitudes, “…You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope; withless of you, there’s more of God and His rule.” (The Message Bible) Now, try reversing that thought: with more of you, there’s less of God and His rule.

So then, why all of the focus on self-help, self-confidence, self-esteem? Well, think about it. If an entire society’s theological beliefs can be shifted by promoting “self-awareness,” – another favorite of mine – then the need for God lessens. However, if God is re-introduced back into the mix of things, then we have some serious changing to do. Right?

More of you – less of God.

Less of you – more of God.

Posted in Confrontational, Insight, Personal Experience, Relationships, Uncategorized | 6 Comments »